How to Handle Secondhand Stress from Your Manager or Coworkers

You walk into a meeting and instantly feel your manager’s tension like a storm cloud. Or your coworker slams their laptop shut in frustration, and suddenly your heart’s racing too. Sound familiar?

Welcome to secondhand stress. It’s real. It’s contagious. And if you’re not careful, it’ll drain your energy, mess with your focus, and leave you frazzled by problems that aren’t even yours.

Let’s talk about how to recognize it, protect yourself from it, and still be a kind human while keeping your mental space intact.

First, Know the Signs

Sometimes you don’t even realize you’ve picked up someone else’s stress until it’s already messing with your vibe. Here’s what it can look like:

• You were fine, and now you’re weirdly irritable
• You feel physically tense after being near a stressed-out person
• You’re obsessing over their problems
• You’re avoiding Slack because their messages give you anxiety

If you feel off, ask: Is this mine? Or did I absorb it from someone else?

Your Brain Is Wired to Mirror Emotions

Thanks to mirror neurons, we’re naturally built to absorb the energy of people around us. It’s a social survival thing—great for empathy, not great when your boss is spiraling and now you are too.

So if you’ve ever walked away from someone feeling totally drained? Yeah, it wasn’t in your head.

Step 1: Create a Mental Boundary

You don’t need to physically distance yourself to set an emotional boundary. Try this internal mantra:

“This isn’t mine to carry.”

Repeat it silently when your manager is venting or when your teammate is radiating chaos.

You’re acknowledging their stress—but you’re not volunteering to take it home.

Step 2: Don’t Get Pulled into the Spiral

People in stress mode love to spread it. They overshare. They catastrophize. They pull you into rapid-fire venting or negativity.

Try responding with:

• “That sounds tough. Is there anything you need from me right now?”
• “Want to talk it out later when we both have a breather?”
• “Let’s focus on what we can do right now.”

It shows support—without jumping into the emotional tornado.

Step 3: Limit Your Exposure

If a certain person always leaves you emotionally wiped out, build in buffers.

• Don’t check their messages first thing in the morning
• Schedule meetings with them after you’ve eaten, rested, or have time to decompress after
• Mute their Slack thread when you need focus time

You’re not being rude. You’re protecting your energy.

Step 4: Have a “Reset Ritual”

After an intense meeting or stressful interaction, do something quick to shake off the energy.

• Step outside for 2 minutes
• Wash your hands (seriously—it works)
• Take 5 deep breaths while stretching
• Write one sentence in a journal: “That was their energy, not mine.”

A reset helps you release what doesn’t belong to you.

Step 5: Don’t “Fix” Their Stress

When someone’s spiraling, it’s tempting to jump into problem-solving mode. But unless you’re literally their therapist or manager, it’s not your responsibility.

You can say:

• “I wish I could fix this for you. I’m here to listen, though.”
• “I support you, even if I can’t solve it.”

Sometimes presence is more powerful than advice.

Step 6: Use Humor

Laughter breaks tension. A well-timed joke or light comment can shift the energy.

Try:

• “Let’s both take a breath before our brains melt.”
• “This feels like a reality show—where’s the camera crew?”
• “I vote we pause and throw something soft.”

Humor is a nervous system reset button. Just be sure it lands gently—not dismissively.

Step 7: Recharge with People Who Don’t Drain You

After spending time around high-stress folks, balance it out. Talk to someone calm, kind, or funny. Even a few texts with a chill friend can reset your emotional barometer.

Surrounding yourself with grounded people reminds you that not everyone is vibrating at 1000Hz.

Step 8: Process Privately Later

It’s okay if secondhand stress does affect you. You're human.

Try:

• Journaling it out
• Talking to someone outside work
• Naming what specifically got to you

Processing lets you close the loop instead of carrying emotional leftovers all week.

Caring about people doesn’t mean you have to feel everything they feel. Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re filters. They let you show up for others without losing yourself in their storm.

So the next time stress starts leaking in from someone else’s desk, inbox, or energy, pause. Breathe. And remind yourself: You can be supportive without being soaked.